Up To My Five Meters In Prumano
by DatAssRomano
Summary: Collection of moderately short and badly-written one shots about Prussia and Romano. Crack, smut, romance, horror, I accept all requests for a story line. Even a song gives me inspiration.
1. Chapter 1

**# You Won't Stop Crying(Prumano) #**

_**"I swear you don't have to go,**_

_**I thought we could wait for the fireworks,**_

_**And I thought we could wait for the snow,"**_

_**Three Cheers For Five Years- Mayday Parade**_

"What the _fuck_ did you just say?!"

Ludwig looked up from his papers, a slightly pitying look on his face from behind steel-rimmed glasses as he regarded his distressed-looking brother with a slightly cold expression. Gilbert slammed both hands down on the German's desk, glaring with all his might. He ignored the pain through his palms at the action; he'd been through a hell of a lot more and he sure as hell didn't give a shit right now. His brother gazed at him for another few seconds before he deigned to repeat himself to the albino.

"Italy was unified. There is no Southern Italy any more."

"That's bullshit, West, and you know it!"

"Like it or not, it was unified quite a while ago."

"But no one told him that?!"

"He knew. He was getting weaker all this time." Ludwig decided to avoid his brother's enraged red gaze as he picked up a pen and began writing on a sheet of paper diligently. "Gilbert, I would appreciate it if you left now. I have work to do."

Ludwig then continued to write away with even, firm strokes of the pen. Gilbert stared at him incredulously for a moment. How could he be so...cold about this? The Prussian was aware that the Sicilian and the German shared a certain dislike for each other, but how could he simply just accept this bullshit and move on? That was beyond a joke. Gilbert stilled for a moment before the rage overtook him again and he knocked all the pages off of the desk, including the one he had been writing on. Ice blue eyes stared at him as he turned.

"I'm going to go find him. Fuck you, West. Fuck you."

On the way out, strangely enough, he ran into Feliciano. The boy smiled up at him brightly, giving him a hug and chirping out a greeting to him. Gilbert pushed him away, although not roughly, and looked away. He felt the questioning honey-coloured eyes follow him to the front door as he ran out, but he didn't care about that. If he stayed around Feliciano, he might just strangle the childish Italian. After all, it was his fault Lovino wasn't-

Ugh.

"Bastards."

### ####

When he got to the house formerly known as the residence of Italy Romano, he glanced around. This place was a complete ghost town. What the hell had happened? And where was Lovino? Usually he'd be out here yelling about some crap to the neighbours or even just random passersby about whatever was ticking him off, still in his underwear or something close to it. He really didn't have a lot of shame, even though he acted all snobby, Gilbert mulled distantly.

"Lovi? You home?"

He blinked.

"Lovino, it's Sir Awesome, and he wants pasta!"

There was no answer.

"Lovi?"

Nothing.

Gilbert turned eyes up to where he knew the man's bedroom was. There weren't any nearby trees littered around, so it wasn't like he could pull a romantic trick like climbing up one and begging the Italian to let him in. Lovino would probably just tell him off anyway, calling him a bastard or something else that was as obscene as he could get. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, so he knocked on the door again. The albino frowned at the wooden object, something akin to a worried frown on his face as he waited a few minutes. The only sound that reached his ears was the steady chirp of nearby cicadas.

This was bad.

"Hey, open the door, please?"

Silence.

"Dammit, Lovi, I'm coming in whether you like it or not!"

He went to kick in the door just as it swung inward with a slightly eerie creak. Red eyes widened. The house looked...empty. His memories of this place included open curtains and windows to make it sunny, the fresh smell of food of some kind, designer furniture that _would be treated as such, do you hear me you damn potato bastard?!_ Now, the curtains were drawn, making it dark and gloomy, and the only thing you could see for miles was dust. It was...disheartening, to say the least.

"Fuck, Lovino, get out here!"

Gilbert's worry increased as he ran through the house. The kitchen was devoid of food, spare a single slice of bread. The living room TV was disconnected and all of the various game consoles he'd insisted on Lovino buying were unplugged. The backyard was unkempt, with weeds and vines strewn around everywhere. He nearly tripped and fell on his ass on the way up the stairs, because there was litter on it for some unknown reason. What the fuck was going on?

He stopped in the bedroom door.

"Lovi," the Prussian breathed.

All he could see was a small, fragile-looking figure sprawled out on the soft surface of the bed. Almost unwillingly, Gilbert stepped closer and sat down on the side of the bed, his gaze running over the smaller man.

Lovino seemed almost smaller than before, curled up as he was. His hands were fisted tightly into a pillow as if to get some semblance of comfort from the soft object. He was wrapped up in the black sheets, which contrasted sharply with the pale colour of the Italian's face. The faint shine of tears was stained across his cheeks painfully. His nails were clipped, and the skin around them had been picked at until it bled, the faintly red stains still along his fingers. His hair was messy to the point of no return, almost as if he had been on the bed for a long time.

Come to think of it, he probably had.

Gilbert shifted the pillow away before he kicked off his shoes and rolled beside Lovino, putting an arm around him and trying not to cringe at the thin frame. The Italian mumbled something incomprehensible and curled closer to him. Gold-green eyes opened hazily and Lovino looked up at him for a moment. He couldn't offer any consolation to the event, and the Italian understood this. A bitter smile crossed that sickly face, and Lovino closed his eyes again, letting out a faint breath. Gilbert wrapped his arms around him, looking up at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry, Lovi. I'd fix it if I could."

"...'s okay. 'Coz now...no bastard can stop us from being..."

"Heh. Looking on the bright side, eh?"

"...mm."

Gilbert blinked sudden tears from his eyes as he felt Lovino's breathing get fainter. The brunette's hands fisted in his shirt, as the Italian lifted his head wearily, brushing his lips over Gilbert's for a small, perfect second. Then his strength seemed to fail him and Gilbert felt his heart twist painfully in his chest. He didn't want this. He didn't want to be left alone in the world again, like Fritz had done to him so many years ago. He didn't want the disgruntled Italian man who had somehow managed to make life worth living again to leave him.

"Please don't leave me," the Prussian said suddenly, still fighting back the burning sensation of tears.

But it was too late.


	2. Chapter 2

**# Untitled(Prumano) #**

**So...I wanted to try this style of writing out! Please read and enjoy XD I might do the Allies as well if I have time/interest. I'll be writing an ongoing AU fic like this if I like writing this one.**

**Don't you imagine Italy as one of those emoticon enthusiasts? *laughs* **

### ####

...

Gilbert Beilschmidt's MacBook Pro(3)

Password- °°°°°°°°°

Welcome, Gilbert Beilschmidt.

The Last Time You Logged In Was 22/05/2014 (Today At 22:14)

...

Open Firefox?

Google Webpage Open.

Search "chat romm dot com"

Did You Mean "chat _room_ dot com?"

Did You Mean "_fork_ you MacBook?"

...

Opened Favourites.

Entered Link Labelled "awesome chatty place-thing"

...

Welcome To InterChat!

Please Enter Your Username And Password;

Username- AwesomeSauce43

Password- °°°°°°°°°°

...

Login Successful.

You Are Now Online.

Enter Private Chat Room 75- "Axis Idiots"?

Logged In To "Axis Idiots."

MafiaVargas, PastaLoverFeli, OtakuNihon And LudwigB Are Currently Online.

OtakuNihon-

Welcome, Gilbert-san.

AwesomeSauce43-

whos idea was it 2 let lovino pick the chatroom name?!

MafiaVargas-

Shut up

PastaLoverFeli-

oh, this is so much fun! 3333 are you guys having fun too? :D

LudwigB-

The point of this was not to have fun, Feliciano.

AwesomeSauce43-

jeez west get that stick outta ur ass :D

OtakuNihon-

Ludwig-san is correct, though. We are chatting on here for a reason...I believe.

MafiaVargas-

To kick the potato bastard's ass?

PastaLoverFeli-

Loviiii don't be mean :'( We're going to get closer because of this and be better friends~ :3

MafiaVargas-

Would you stop using those damn faces?! Ugh, I'm out of here. I can't deal with you idiots any longer. Fuck you all.

PastaLoverFeli-

Lovi, wait-

-MafiaVargas Left The Room.

AwesomeSauce43-

he's probably just gone 2 chat w/his emo friends lol

OtakuNihon-

Er...of course.

LudwigB-

Feliciano, this was a terrible idea. Possibly one of the worst you've come up with this year.

PastaLoverFeli-

i just wanted us to be better friends! we never get to see each other any more!

AwesomeSauce43-

well u may be like that but romano and i see each other all the time :D

IN MY BEDROOM

NAKED

OtakuNihon-

Really, Gilbert-san? Do you have...proof?

LudwigB-

No he does NOT. Don't you even think about it, East-

AwesomeSauce43 Uploaded A File-

AwesomeSauce43-

XD 2 late

PastaLoverFeli-

OnO How did you get fratello to wear that? He never wears stuff like that for me...;-;

AwesomeSauce43-

you should totally join in one day then!

LudwigB-

GILBERT!

OtakuNihon-

Arigatougozaimasu. I shall save it to my hard drive.

AwesomeSauce43-

ur welcome also west SUCK MY FIVE METERS!

I DON'T LISTEN TO YOU!

-LudwigB Left The Room.

AwesomeSauce43-

rude

PastaLoverFeli-

Awww everyone is leaving ;n;

OtakuNihon-

It is alright, Feliciano-kun. They will return eventually.

AwesomeSauce43-

ye theyll come back this is fun

PastaLoverFeli-

You really think so? ^ω^

AwesomeSauce43-

ye totes b/ i have 2 go. ur bro is here and i want sex

PastaLoverFeli-

OnO what?

Logged Out Of Chat Room.

...

Opened Private Messages.

**[2] New Private Message/s-**

**-OtakuNihon [1]**

**-MafiaVargas [1]**

Opened OtakuNihon's Message.

1 Private Message.

OtakuNihon-[P]

Do I get a video?

AwesomeSauce43-[P]

If u stop feli from crying sure

I'll even get him 2 a sailor moon outfit 4 u

OtakuNihon-[P]

...I accept your offer.

I will do my best.

Disconnected From OtakuNihon.

Opened MafiaVargas's Message.

1 Private Message.

MafiaVargas-[P]

Are you going to answer the door bastard or am I going to have to break it down?

AwesomeSauce43-[P]

mebbe

I'm watching sum nice lesbo porn wanna join?

MafiaVargas-[P]

Fuck off.

...open the door.

AwesomeSauce43-[P]

is that a ja I hear?

MafiaVargas-[P]

Fine, ja! Now fucking let me in!

AwesomeSauce43-[P]

oh ill let u in alright ;)

MafiaVargas-[P]

For FUCK'S sake, bastard!

MafiaVargas-[P]

About time.

Idiot.

AwesomeSauce43-[P]

do I get a kiss?

AwesomeSauce43-[P]

thanx

AwesomeSauce43-[P]

u wanna top 2day?

AwesomeSauce43-[P]

knew it

AwesomeSauce43-[P]

pants off plz

AwesomeSauce43-[P]

ohhh fuck how do u do that with ur tongue

AwesomeSauce43-[P]

fuCK LOVI

-Disconnected.

### ####

's iPhone

Please Enter Pin-

Phone Unlocked.

Opening Applications.

Opening "InterChat Mobile"

Welcome To InterChat!

Please Enter Your Username And Password;

Username- MafiaVargas

Password- °°°°°°

View Previous Messages?

Opening Private Chat With User 7364- "AwesomeSauce43"

MafiaVargas-[P]

I can't believe you were trying to message me while we were having SEX.

You IDIOT.

I'm so glad you're asleep.

You're not as annoying when you sleep.

...you're surprisingly cute when you sleep.

Bastard.

Is this some kind of joke?

Nah, you're actually asleep.

Ergh.

...I guess I'll let you sleep for now.

Stupid idiot.

...I suppose that's why I love you.

### ####

**Please don't take the lesbo thing seriously.**

**I have nothing against lesbians. **

**I am bisexual. **

**I watch gay...erm...stuff. **

**That was beyond the point.**

**:/**


	3. Chapter 3

**# Before The World Catches Up(Prumano) #**

_"I've got a collar full,_

_of chemistry _

_From your company~"_

_Collar Full- Panic! At The Disco_

What Gilbert Beilschmidt expected when he had snuck across the balconies to his boyfriend's dorm room was not _this_.

Lovino was sitting on a barstool, absently writing on a notepad. His hair was sticking up slightly in a messy but natural sort of bedhair one only gets when they sleep until ten in the morning. Music was playing from a nearby speaker, some kind of All Time Low song playing. It was a scene that was quite normal for a Saturday morning, when there was no classes.

But that wasn't the problem here.

Lovino wasn't wearing _pants_. From his seat on the barstool, his already quite short black boxers rode up to reveal basically _all_ of those lightly tanned thighs and legs. He was wearing a shirt, but it was oversized and slipped off of one shoulder, showing off more skin.

It shouldn't have turned him on as much as it did, but...that was sexy.

Lovino slipped off of the stool to fiddle with the controls on the speaker, and Gilbert was treated to the sight of the Italian's barely-covered ass. His eyes were fixiated on it as Lovino straightened slightly after the song had been changed, and turned slightly. Gold-green eyes met his own red ones, and there was an emphasized roll of them before his boyfriend made his way over to the balcony door and unlocked it.

"The fuck, bastard?"

"Wh...I...I wanted to surprise you," the German- no, Prussian, said after his brain decided to start functioning properly again.

Lovino looked unimpressed. "So you decided to fuck around outside and then try to scare the shit out of me."

"Ja! Pretty awesome, huh?"

The Italian sighed, but Gilbert could tell he wasn't going to be left outside in the cold. Hopefully. He gave the other a pitiful, pleading look, not wanting to have to climb down the frozen pipes again. Lovino rolled his eyes again but held the door open to let him in. He walked in, grateful of the warmth the living space provided, and shucked off his coat and shoes. Then he looked up, to where his boyfriend was lounging back against the kitchen bench, drinking a glass of wine with a slightly unimpressed look on his face.

"Lovi...why aren't you wearing pants?"

"...what?"

"Well, isn't it sexy-indecent?"

"No. Why the fuck do you care?"

"What about your roommate? He like the view as much as I do?"

"Arthur just pisses off to his American's every weekend, so I don't have to deal with his shit."

"Oh. I see."

So they were alone. The Prussian had been hoping that his longtime enemy Eyebrowgeddon wouldn't be here, and clearly he'd lucked out because his self-control only lasted so long when faced with a sexy Italian with nice legs. It was good, because now he didn't need to worry about being polite or things like that. Not that he ever cared about being polite; he was fucking _awesome_ and that was all that mattered.

Except maybe that fine ass.

A small smirk curled his lips.

### ####

Lovino barely had any time to react when he was pushed up against the counter, but the time he could've used to slip away was wasted on trying to save the wine that he'd taken the time to sneak onto campus. Luckily, he placed it on the flat surface behind him somewhere, licking his lips as he looked up at Gilbert with some kind of apprehension (there was NO desire, damnit). As he met that dark red gaze, he resisted the urge to shiver at the smirk on the Prussian's expression.

"...Lovi...how are you so sexy...?"

Warm lips met his and Lovino was caught up in it, all thoughts of whatever he had been thinking about flying away as his brain short-circuited. He closed his eyes and kissed back, biting on Gilbert's lower lip roughly as he pulled away, licking his own lips slowly. As the Prussian ran a tongue along the exposed flesh of his shoulder, Lovino found he couldn't remember if he'd been asked a question or not. He blinked, unsure if it was important or not.

Then Gilbert bit down and the Italian decided _fuck it, I don't care what it was_ as he pulled the other closer by the collar of his shirt. The other man let out a snickering laugh against his shoulder and the vibrations sent violent shivers up his body. Their clothed crotches were barely touching, just enough to be a teasing annoyance to both of them. Lovino slid one hand down to Gilbert's jeans, earning a surprised hiss against his skin as he bumped the hardness there in his mission to unzip his pants. Soon they were falling to the floor, and Lovino's shirt, and then Gilbert's, followed it.

Lovino was lifted up onto the counter and, somewhere at the back of his mind, he knew this would be hurting like a motherfucker later. This thing was already hurting his poor back, and Gilbert wasn't even doing anything yet. Wait...Gilbert wasn't doing anything? He didn't know why he was being kept waiting, but it made him glare up at Gilbert from the surface of the counter. One eyebrow was raised in question.

"Just enjoying the view~"

"Hurry the fuck up, bastard," came the disgruntled words from his mouth.

Gilbert shrugged to himself and leant over to kiss him again, palming Lovino through his boxers and being rewarded with a muffled moan as the Italian's hips moved of their own accord. Eventually they had to break off to breathe again, Lovino's eyes half-closed as he panted softly, his lips parted slightly. Gilbert nearly lost it at the sight of the flushed Italian.

"Bastard...I said hurry up, dammit."

"I'm allowed to enjoy myself, Mr. Temperamental."

"Keep it up and you don't get any for a week."

Lovino stiffened as a finger prodded at his member and barely stifled a startled gasp before he glared at the Prussian. Gilbert shrugged one shoulder and continued his exploration of the area underneath Lovino's boxers, smirking at him as if daring him to complain. The Italian rolled his eyes, before three fingers entered him and then a faintly shocked look crossed his face and he let out a hiss.

"Fuck! You bastard!"

"Lovi, we have sex enough times a week that it shouldn't hurt. Now grow a pair."

"There's this thing, bastard, and it's called _consideration_ for your boyfriend, dammit! Not your dick!"

"Fine. You're my bitch, then."

"If anything _you're_ the bitch!"

"But I top!"

"Only because you're not man enough to bottom."

"Pfft, you love my five meters!"

Lovino chose not to reply to this, instead shifting off of the counter with a scowl on his face as he forcibly removed the German's fingers. Gilbert took this as a very bad omen and backed up a few centimeters...

Before he was kicked dead center.

"_Fuck_, Lovino!"

"You deserved it."

"How could _anyone_ deserve that?!"


End file.
